Hair...

Today was all about hair.  We started the day off by searching for the perfect wig (cough, cough...I mean cranial prosthetic).  My mom and my sweet friend Lauren (who also happens to be my hairdresser) came along.  I imagined the process to be long, daunting and depressing.  To my surprise, it was quite the opposite.  I was able to find a wig that worked for me and within a short amount of time.  I tried a few on...

That one reminded Vic of 

The RAMONES 

I decided against it...

Baby, Baby, Baby, ooooooooo -it was a tough choice.

But decided on this one...the perfect fit.  An hour later we were walking out of the Salon with my prosthesis.  Yay, another task done...CHECK!

I started the day out thinking I would find something I would be ok with, but I must admit, I kind of like my new head of hair  (and it's even better now that Lauren trimmed it for me).

And what fun is it for Mommy to have a wig if the kids can't try it on?

E's uncle immediately saw the resemblance and created this.

Lauren cut my other head of hair today too....wowsers...it's short! The plan is to go even shorter next week.  It's only hair (me convincing myself it's ok) and now with my back-up, I'm all set.

“People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I 

don't know, I’m never there.” 

― Dolly Parton

Picking up my sword...

Today is the day to pick up my sword again....I'm ready!

Watch Me

A friend recently posted this on his Facebook page.  Of course I loved it and told him I was stealing it.

Let me be honest. I would say about 90% of me believes this and the other 10%...UGH!  I strive everyday to get to 100%, but geez, it's so hard!  ...and, for the past few days, I've been in a bit of a rut.  I'm feeling sorry for myself, and that just isn't a good thing...I'm wallowing way too much.  I figured if I confess to this behavior, I will make myself more accountable to knock it off.  I didn't even start the chemo treatments yet and I'm allowing it to get the best of me....not good!

I've never been one to exude confidence and I guess that goes with fighting the Big C as well.  The husband says maybe I'll be able to order him a coffee at the drive-thru after I beat this thing.  You see I'm painfully shy and have never really been all that comfortable with attention, thus leading me to feel anxious and overwhelmed.  I'm not that fond of people watching me. (I know I've mentioned this recently and I did also touch upon it in my Perception Post a while back). Yes, it is even difficult for me to order a coffee at Dunkin Donuts (although I have gotten better about it).  But I think he's right, I'm pretty sure I will be able sing the order at the drive-thru by the time I kick this intruder's big sorry @$$!  Adding cancer survivor to my resume is sure to give me a boost in my confidence.

"I can and I will." has been my mantra for the past couple days; now I just have to internalize it and its meaning.  This may be one of the few times in my life I would welcome people to 

"Watch Me".

"Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing."

-Author Unknown

22 days

Eight years ago today, at 22 days old, E came home to his forever family.  I sat in the back seat and stared at him the entire ride home.  

These are the first photos taken of him at home. :)

 I am so grateful and proud to be your Momma. I love you E! 

"The greatest experience, the one which shakes a soul with hopes and fears, the results of which are never ending, and incidentally, the one which pays the biggest dividends, is to be found in the adoption of children."

-Anonymous

Hmmmm....

So I've noticed when talking to people that there is a bit of confusion about my upcoming treatments.  The most common question... "If the scans didn't show anything, why chemotherapy?"  Unfortunately, it's not that easy to be sure all the cancer is gone from my body because the Big C is microscopic...this means there could be cells lurking in there waiting for an opportune time to intrude once again.  My cancer has been treated and now the oncologist works to cure it, so it never returns again...well, that's no guarantee either, but he will do his best.  The chemotherapy works to kill off all those evil cells and stop them in their tracks before any further invasion takes place.  

I'm working on visualizing the medicine as coming into my body to clean me out and rid myself of the Big C.  At the same time I'm trying my best to put the all too familiar fears to the back of my mind.  It's definitely challenging, and the anticipation of it all can just about make me vomit.  But, who has time for that?  

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.

Japanese Proverb

P.S. Anything else you're curious about?  Just ask...I may just answer.

Prosthetics

Last week when I had my follow up appointment, the doctor wrote me some prescriptions, one for a breast prosthetic and one for a cranial prosthetic.  The first goes without explanation and the second, for those of you who are not quite sure, is a wig.  You see if it is referred to as a wig, the insurance company will not cover it, so the doctors call it by its fancy name.  Call it whatever you want, it's still a wig, and I'm still freaking out about the thought of needing one.  I decided though that perhaps I should refer to myself as hairless instead of bald, like a certain breed of cat.  I'll be a hairless human, sounds less dramatic doesn't it?  If I can find a wig (cough, cough), I mean cranial prosthetic as miraculous as the breast prosthetic, I'll be all set.  I feel okay with clothes on and I can now wear just about anything without being insecure and uncomfortable, and sometimes, even without a scarf.   No one would ever know...it's just that good (sorry no photos).  There is a whole line of mastectomy products out there...who knew? 


And, on a completely different topic...
E and his friend cleaned up a street in our neighborhood the other day as part of a Cub Scout project.  They were announcing each item as they picked it up to throw it away.  The bigger the trash item, the better...look at the grin on his face.

They collected two barrels of trash.

Little Miss (complete with veil) and I went to snap a few photos.

As I face today, and everyday, I remind myself of this....

Thanks Mom and Dad for the reminder.

Love

Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.

Barbara de Angelis

Wishing you a Sunday filled with love...